Cookie has been behaving very oddly recently. More oddly than normal, that is. Which is why it was so good to have the interventions of an Animal Guardian. I spotted the sign advertising this service immediately that we arrived at the Starlight Wellness Expo here in Bangalow over Easter. And without further ado I embarked upon a long spiel to the kind-faced lady about how Cookie didn’t seem to love me anymore, she seems to prefer HGG (who she hardly even knows), is emotionally and physically distant, and spends her whole life crouched in the back corner of the corner cupboard in the corner room of our new house.
Help was at hand. The Animal Guardian said a short prayer over a bottle of liquid crystals (three drops a day in her food) and told me to have a think about my own qualities of self-righteousness and my need for self-preservation. Ever happy to address my shortcomings, I looked directly at my naval for the next few hours and subjected HGG to a rigorous analysis of these qualities in myself.
And Lo! Behold Cookie that very night coming to sit with me, lying on my head in bed, purring like a generator into my ear, meowing in my face at 3 am. Ah, sweetheart, how I have missed you. I must follow up with the Animal Guardian about you urinating on HGG’s rug though. That so not cool.
Yes, the Starlight Wellness Expo. An interesting concoction of healers and dealers. We attended a session about ‘how to find your true self’. It was dark and funny. Not because my true self is a world-class comedian, sadly. But because our host was about as enlightened as Cookie’s favourite hiding spot.
I was sitting next to him. Before too long, he looked at me, put his hand on my leg, and said “I can see you are a very deep person, yeah?” – cue slightly-too-long moment of staring into my eyes – “that’s why I am looking at you”. Good to know. I thought you were just being creepy.
But I am weak and a hypocrite. I smiled encouragingly at him because I wanted him to think he was doing well. I even laughed at his jokes and nodded appropriately. HGG stared at him in utter bewilderment for an hour. He ignored her completely. Her honesty clearly causing him discomfort, it was much easier to align himself with a fraud like me.
During the session, there was some scribbling of light and shade on a bit of paper, a lot of eye contact (and that funny thing people do with two fingers pointing at their own eyes and then someone else’s eyes, yeah?) some strange discussion about Indian men having feminine bodies and Ghandi beating his wife, and love. There was a lot of talk about love. Our host had a connection with the (Indian) man sitting opposite. He stared into his eyes a lot and told him that they loved each other. The older woman beside him, unfortunately, was more complex. She had blockages, which meant she was not able to fully access him, yeah? I thought she seemed quite nice and I hoped she didn’t go home and try to do anything dangerous to unblock herself.
Apparently the session can take quite a toll emotionally and so we were advised at the end of it to drink lots of water that evening and eat healthy food. He also advised HGG and me to make love. Which I took to mean I should stare into her eyes for a long time and say “yeah” a lot. I think she enjoyed that.
Ah, it is unfair of me to mock. I know that. But I can’t help it. There is humour in it, and I am irresistibly drawn to the funny things in life. But there’s quality to it that disturbed me too. There was an edge to the man that I don’t think he was adequately in control of. Call me self-righteous, but I think he is only just approaching the fork in the road to enlightenment. There was a rampaging nature to his quest to discover the true self, which I thought had the potential to harm. The stillness and tranquillity of enlightenment is over the hills and far away.
That’s the thing up here in this new home of ours. The whole region is built on a block of black onyx*, you know. Makes it deep and mystical and magical. And already I have met so many people, like Cookie’s Animal Guardian, who embody it and extend it in so many inspirational ways. And there are others who unsettle me. But, you know, it could just be me. It is easy to criticise others whilst doing nothing yourself. But, fear not, I picked up a flyer at the coffee shop this morning about a “Becoming a Psychic” – in just four hours I will have acquired the skills to begin psychic readings immediately. Watch this space.
*I only found this out the other day and haven’t checked it out. No prizes for guessing where. So don’t quote me.